I saw Suicide Squad last night. Here are some ridiculous and random thoughts about it.

Wait! There are spoilers ahead. So if you don’t want those, turn back now.

Still here? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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I read the reviews going into this movie and I mostly agree with them. Yes, the first half of the movie was just a montage of backstories. Yes, it spent too much time objectifying Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn. Yes, there were a lot of holes in the plot. But I will note that there is a difference between a good movie and a likeable movie. I wouldn’t call this a good movie but I did enjoy the experience overall.

This movie requires Pretty Little Liar Rules. Lately, I’ve been binge watching Pretty Little Liars, which is a fun show to watch…unless you start asking logical questions. Those questions will only make you realize it’s terrible and have to stop watching.

So, I tried not to think “Why does Harley have a bat and everyone else has machine guns, yet she’s kicking as much ass as they are?”

Or “Why does no one notice that Harley has a phone even though it’s super close quarters? In fact, if they brought the Squad all of their old stuff, why aren’t everyone’s phones in those boxes?”

Or better yet, “Why would anyone think that falling in love with someone possessed by an anciet deity would be OK? It would make more sense if the guy was already in love with Dr. Moone and then she got possessed.” If you want to watch this movie, don’t ask yourself questions like this.

Will Smith spends the entire movie being Will SmithTM. Will is a bonafide movie star and he’s done some great work over the three decades he’s been acting. That said, he often plays Will SmithTM–from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air to Bad Boys to Men in Black. For this movie, Will SmithTM also had a great shot. If I had my choices, Will Smith would not be in this movie. I think actors only get one bite at the superhero apple. So when he played Hancock, that was it for him. The only exception is Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool.

This was Harley Quinn’s movie. Deadshot was the protagonist but Harley had all of the scenes. I get it. Harley is such an incredibly interesting character–equal parts insane, child-like, naive, sex kitten, and maniacal. She looks like a pin-up and sounds like a gun moll. She calls Batman “Batsie” for God’s sake!

People want a Harley Quinn standalone movie? This could be it if they took out some Deadshot’s scenes and dialogue and added a couple more from Harley.

Harley Quinn needs her own show. And it should probably be on Netflix if you want it to be as balls-to-the-walls as this character should be.

There will be a lot of think pieces about Harley Quinn’s feminism. Don’t read them. Harley is not a feminist. Wonder Woman is definitely a feminist. Lois Lane is a feminist. Supergirl is probably a feminist. Catwoman is probably not a feminist. Harley Quinn is a psychotic mental patient with delusions and homicidal tendencies. Let’s not pretend otherwise.

This movie will try to convince you that a half naked Harley being simultaneously lusted over and physically abused by the prison guards is hot and/or necessary to story. It’s not. The movie thinks we’ll be OK with this because clearly Harley is capable and willing to kill all of them. I wasn’t. All I could think about are the atrocities she probably endures off camera because she is both a mental patient and a sex object. Which reminded me of the last season of Orange is the New Black. Which made me want to go take a shower.

What is Morgan Tookers doing in this movie?

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Morgan Mike and Ike

Overall, the character development in this movie is nearly nonexistent. This is understandable because there are literally 424 characters in this movie. They only focused on four or five of them.

I thought Diablo’s fire visualizations were interesting. Firestarters can be boring on screen because it’s the same thing over and over again. But the fire in the palm of the hand bit was done really well here.

This was not Will and Margot’s first movie together. They starred in Focus, which is a decent heist movie to watch on Netflix on a rainy Saturday afternoon.

I don’t get the hype around Cara Delevingne, as a model or an actor. She has always looked like a baby head on an adult body to me. She looks like a drunk baby that’s been out all night smoking weed and making out with Michelle Rodriquez. Now it’s the next morning, you’ve got an early Gymboree thing, and she’s still high on molly so she’s pissy.

Croc is the Jar Jar Binks of this movie. It’s like someone asked the writers of the Klu Klux Klan newsletter to draw the most racist cartoon possible of a black man and then threw crocodile skin on it. Then the writer/director looked it over and said “This is great. He’s wearing a velour tracksuit? Perfect. All he wants is a chicken sandwich and BET in his cell? Awwwwwsome. Oh wait, you’ll have to take out the part about him not being able to swim because his bones are too dense. This is gonna be a crocodile man.”

Why was Will Smith dressed like a 70s pimp in the scene where he is brought in by Batman? It was only 9 months earlier. (Nevermind. Pretty Little Liars Rules.)

Jared Leto was in the movie just long enough for me to hate his grill and his hair.

Ben Affleck was in this movie just long enough for me to remember that Ben Affleck ruins movies.

This was playing at the Alamo Drafthouse before the movie. Watch it. Think about it. Report back.

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Princess Jones

Princess Jones is a fantasy author with an obsession with the stories we tell ourselves over and over. For more talk about books, connect with her on Goodreads.

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