I recently decided to join a gym. But not for the reason most people do. I’m not really looking to lose weight or tone up. I am looking to eat more cupcakes. And Oprah is off the air so she’s not airlifting morbidly obese people out of their beds anymore. So I needed to be proactive here.

I went over to the local cheapie gym to sign up. The woman at the desk kept trying to get me to sign up for the premium membership because–wait for it–there is free tanning with that program.

Brit Side Eye

But I ignored her. I know what it’s like to work at a sales job where they make you say some really ridiculous things. I figured she didn’t realize what she was saying. So, I just kept filling out the paperwork.

But she just kept saying “You can keep up that tan all year round at no extra charge. You never have to worry about being pasty or without that gorgeous color.”

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And she just wouldn’t stop. “Oh you’re from New York? Well it stays warmer a lot longer down here. We’re in shorts almost all year long. Our free tanning will help you keep up your color without having to go lay out.”

Finally, I had to say something. “Lady, I am never without color. I am a black person. Color comes included.” And then she shut up. I don’t know if she finally got it or if she was mad I wasn’t taking her suggestion. But she did stop offering it to me.

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And the kicker? This was a black woman talking to me. She also had on blue eye shadow and the worst wig I’ve ever seen in my life, so obviously she had her own problems besides figuring out why I wasn’t going to pay a little extra every month so she could cook me in a box.

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Princess Jones

Princess Jones is a fantasy author with an obsession with the stories we tell ourselves over and over. For more talk about books, connect with her on Goodreads.

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