Dear Old Navy,
PJ here. I don’t know if you remember me. Black chick with the afro who gets right off the train and plans to walk by but always gets sucked in by whatever sale you’re having. My mind screams “NOOOOOO! Just go into Walgreens, get what you need, and get going.” But my body changes directions and heads right inside.
Now, let me give props where props are due. I like your stuff Old Navy. I’m a simple girl with simple needs, which you can often handle without leaving a big hole in my pocket. A few striped tank tops here. A pair of boot cut jeans there. (By the way, it looks like you leaned into the skinny jeans game hardcore. Um, ok. I guess that’s a choice you’re making there.) I love your scarves. I find a lot of interesting things in your jewelry section. And when I leave, the cashiers are always really nice and helpful by pointing out that next week there will be a sale, too.
Well played, Old Navy.
But now we have a problem. You see, about six months ago, I bought a Catwoman and a Wonder Woman t-shirt. I couldn’t find Batman at the time but I was assured you’d get more in eventually. I’ve enjoyed the t-shirts I did get. They’ve gone over well when I wore them out. People always ask me where I got them. But during the last six months, I haven’t been able to find any more superhero t-shirts in the womens section.
Yesterday, I asked one of the workers when you would have more cool t-shirts for women. And he said “Well, we have Hello Kitty and Mickey Mouse.”
Um, excuse me?
Hello Kitty? Mickey Mouse? Who the fuck are they?
No, don’t tell me. I don’t care. All I know is that they aren’t Batman.
Let’s keep it real, here. Hello Kitty doesn’t do shit. Batman kicks ass and saves lives. Listen, Old Navy, there are two types of women in this world. Ones that would rather wear a Hello Kitty shirt and ones that would rather wear a Batman shirt. And I’m not one of those chicks in the Hello Kitty shirts.
I said as much to the guy working and he said “Well, we do have some Batman shirts in the mens sections.”
Um, excuse me?
So let me get this straight. You have Batman shirts. You just only make them for men? And I’m supposed to go wear a mens shirt? Mens shirts kinda suck. They don’t have room for boobs. They’re boxy. They feel funny around the armpit. I can’t possibly feel good in a Batman tshirt that doesn’t fit me right because I have boobs and a vagina.
That’s when the guy’s eyes darted around his head like he was looking for backup. Like he wished the store had security and he was going to suggest it at the next employee meeting.
So I bought the damn mens shirt. In fact, I bought two. You can never have too many Superman shirts, either.
Or I can just wear it like it is and tell everyone who asks me why I’m wearing an ill fitting Batman shirt that it’s your fault, Old Navy.
I think you already know which one it will be, don’t you?